


Sasha Nein Is Not Blind

by RJMeta



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Dad Sasha Nein, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, i don't believe raz's dad was intentionally abusive but i also don't believe he's good for raz, if your son believes you're trying to kill him You Are Not Parenting Correctly, this literally exists to fulfil a self indulgent canon divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26145214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJMeta/pseuds/RJMeta
Summary: “Something about this does not read correctly. He is afraid, but a master at not showing it. His defenses are much higher than most trained Psychonauts, let alone an untrained child. He is not just parroting the pamphlet, he believes in it - lived it, perhaps. I do not like this, Milla. Something is not right here.”Or, in which Sasha is a lil more observant of similarities between himself and Raz aside from just "powerful young psychic who I see myself in".
Relationships: Sasha Nein & Razputin Aquato
Comments: 19
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WhirlwindWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhirlwindWriter/gifts), [NovaTriesToWrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaTriesToWrite/gifts).



The first night of camp was always the same.

Morceau would give a speech - the same speech as always - to the campers, who (and he thought this with a tinge of apology) never paid much attention. Meanwhile, he and Agent Milla would watch quietly, mostly to ensure no one snuck out early. Then, the campers would be sent back to their assigned bunk for eight hours sleep before reveille (on Morceau’s insistence. Neither he nor Milla minded overmuch, though she had in the past confided in him her worries that they were raising child soldiers).

Tonight, however, something was different. A flitting feeling Sasha just couldn’t quite put a finger on had him glancing around the treetops, the action unnoticed behind his dark glasses. As he did, he caught the faintest little glint - something he would have missed if he hadn’t been looking for such a thing. Narrowing his eyes, he sent a mental nudge over to Milla.

_“In the trees, slightly left of my twelve o’clock.”_

There was a pause as she glanced at the direction he’d denoted.

_“I see it. I don’t sense anything, however. Are you sure it’s a living thing?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“I’ll follow your lead, then, darling.”_

Shifting his weight slightly, he readied a psi-beam, narrowing his eyes at a spot just above where he’d seen the glint.

_“On three. One, two…”_

Hand flashing up to his temple, he released the attack. There was a crash as the blast impacted a tree, a startled squawk following swiftly on its heels. Milla threw out a hand, catching the being in a tight telekinetic grip before pulling it into the clearing. She gasped.

“A child?”

Sasha blinked in surprise, reining in any other sign of the emotion. Morceau, on the other hand, covered his shock with anger.

“An intruder!”

“Enough, the both of you.”

In the commotion, the child had managed to slip from Milla’s grasp, flipping over to land feet first. Sasha held a hand out in front of Morceau, stopping him from advancing further. The child removed his goggles, revealing bright green eyes that flicked between the three of them before settling on Milla as she took a step forward.

“What’s your name, child?”

“My name is Razputin, but everybody calls me Raz.”

Subtly, Sasha reached out, brushing against Raz’ mind to glean the truth. He blinked again when he was met with an iron defense, no cracks or gaps to be found. Reconnecting to Milla and Morceau, he found a similar surprise.

_“His defenses are exceptional.”_

_“Kid’s mind is armored like a tank!”_

Clearing his throat, Raz stood slightly straighter, folding his arms in a display of confidence.

“Sorry I’m late, and for the startle. I didn’t want to disrupt your briefing, Agent Oleander, Agents Nein, Vodello. Continue, please.”

He flipped off the small wood stage, taking a seat by Dolph with a look of attention on his face. But Sasha couldn’t help but notice the tension in his eyes, still present even now. Morceau, never one to be swayed by a simple apology not backed up by action, scowled and stepped forward.

“Where do you think you’re going? You broke into a secret governmental facility!”

The tense look increased slightly, though there remained no sign of it in his body language or voice.

“I know, isn’t it great? Tell you what, I’ll just sit over here with my fellow Psi Cadets.”

Milla frowned slightly.

“I’m afraid you need to go home, darling. I’ll call your parents.”

“What?!”

Sasha’s eyes widened. That was pure fear, through and through. Raz seemed to realise his slip, quickly covering it with shock.

“But, don’t you train Psychonauts here?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sasha saw Milla open her mouth to respond, but she was cut off as the child continued.

“To soar across the astral plane! To wage psychic warfare against the enemies of free thought!”

Morceau stiffened, one hand rubbing the back of his head.

“That is what I wrote on the back of the pamphlet…”

Raz leaned forward, looking all the world like he was confidently pressing an advantage if not for the desperation Sasha could see lurking in his eyes.

“Those words are why I’m here, Coach Oleander. Do you remember what you wrote on the inside of that pamphlet?”

A mental sigh flitted across the back of Sasha’s mind.

_“Morry’s being played like a fiddle. But why haven’t you spoken up, Sasha?”_

_“Something about this does not read correctly. He is afraid, but a master at not showing it. His defenses are much higher than most trained Psychonauts, let alone an untrained child. He is not just parroting the pamphlet, he believes in it - lived it, perhaps. I do not like this, Milla. Something is not right here.”_

They were interrupted by Morceau throwing an arm up, pointing at Raz.

“Someone get this soldier a bunk.”

Exchanging a final look with Milla, Sasha silently sighed and began shooing the children back to the main camp area. He could tell she was not satisfied, but that would simply be a bridge he would cross when he came to it.

Something about Raz’s situation was not right. Sasha was determined to get to the bottom of it.


	2. Chapter 2

  * _Consistently on guard_
  * _Heretofore unseen levels of psychic defense_
  * _Eager to please_
  * _Displays a fear reaction whenever the subject of parents is brought up_
  * _Mild malnutrition (untested, observed)_
  * _Came to camp alone, not brought by family._



Tapping the end of the pen against the page, Sasha sighed, taking a moment to flick his hair out of his face and roll his shoulders. He compared the list to the one in the folder beside him, the ink on the page slightly faded with time.

  * _Consistently on guard_
  * _Extreme ability to compartmentalize_
  * _Eager to please_
  * _Displays a fear reaction whenever the subject of parents, particularly fathers, comes up_
  * _Malnutrition ( ~~observed, not tested~~ \- tested, underweight and nutrient deficient, xx/xx/19xx)_
  * _Arrived in the country alone, without family._



_ As I suspected. But what does it mean? _

He stared at the two lists for a moment longer, rolling the pen between his thumb and forefinger before sighing again. He knew how to get his answers - he just didn’t want to do it.

_ Would that it were so easy to face my own personal demons.  _

The creak of the trapdoor above him caught his attention. Hastily, he stuck the papers into the yellowed file and slid it under a pile of paperwork. With a casualness he did not feel, he turned in time to see Milla drop daintily to the floor, the smile on her face not quite overtaking the serious look in her eyes.

“Milla.”

“Sasha, darling. I thought I should let you know that I’ll be looking through the Psychic Registry tomorrow morning to see if I can find contact details for young Razputin’s parents, so I may need you to cover my levitation class tomorrow afternoon.”

Mouth twisting slightly, he folded his arms across his chest.

“Milla, I do not believe that is a good course of action to take.”

Abandoning the facade, Milla let the smile drop from her face as she stepped forward.

“Darling, you know that I trust you. But Razputin did not get parental permission to attend - if my suspicions are correct, his parents do not even know he is here! There are rules in place for this kind of thing, Sasha.”

He glanced at the floor, tossing his hair out of his face.

“I am aware. But I believe there is more to the situation than the surface appearance. No child runs away without good reason, Milla.”

The look in her eyes shifted as she closed the gap between them, placing a gentle hand on his bicep.

“Darling… are you sure you’re not projecting?”

The faint rattle of the air conditioning system filled his stunned silence. For a moment, his voice died in his throat, eyes wide behind his glasses. Milla’s brow furrowed in concern - his face must have shown something.

“Darling? Sasha, are you alright?”

Her other hand was gentle as she placed it on the side of his face, but the touch felt like the burn of the pyrokinesis she hated. Abruptly, he stepped back, breaking out of her hold, shutting down any expression on his face.

“I will note your concerns in my official report, Agent Vodello. If that is all, I have work I must get back to.”

Her face twisted, pain writ across her features.

“Sasha, don’t shut me out. Please.”

“I have no wish to continue this conversation, Agent Vodello--”

“Darling, please, just--”

“--you have made your belief that my history is clouding my perceptions apparent. I made that information known to you, in confidence. I would not throw your traumas in your face, I expected the same from you. This conversation is over, Agent Vodello. Please exit my laboratory.”

She hesitated, a sad look on her face. Spinning on his heel, he faced back towards his desk, telekinetically pulling the stack of paperwork over to himself. After a moment, the trapdoor lowered with a loud clunk.

As he picked up his pen, his hands were shaking.


	3. Chapter 3

His sleep that night was fitful, vague images flashing across his subconscious mind interspersed by moments of lucidity and wakefulness in turn. By the time his alarm went off shortly before dawn, he had abandoned attempting to remain unconscious, instead focusing on maintenance of his shields. As much as he trusted his colleagues, he did not want them entering his mind today, not without his prior permission. His breath caught slightly as he closed the door between his and Mi-- Agent Vodello’s mind, but the ache in his chest caused by her words the night before persisted, so shut, the door was.

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head, shutting away any drifting thoughts. Reveille would be soon, and he wished to see how Razputin would perform in Basic Braining. If the child’s psychic prowess extended beyond his mental defenses, it would certainly be an impressive show.

But somehow, that managed to be an understatement. From his position in the back of Morceau’s mind, he watched as Razputin flipped, tumbled, and double-jumped his way through the course with ease, even with the added difficulty of certain students hindering his progress at times. He even took the time to help Dogan through the maze, comforting the other boy when he was afraid he wouldn’t make it through.

_“This child is exceeding all expectations.”_

_“This kid has guts and a powerful brain to back it up! He’s a one of a kind!”_

While he agreed with Morceau’s sentiment, there was something in the tone that set him on edge. Resolving to keep a closer eye on the other Psychonaut, he exited the mind as Razputin finished the rolling log walk, rolling his shoulders and flicking his hair out of his face before pulling out a cigarette and waiting for Razputin to wake up.

Within moments, he saw Razputin shake his head, coming back into himself. Quickly, he stepped forward, blowing out a small plume of smoke before clearing his throat to attract the child’s attention.

“Your performance, young Cadet, was outstanding. I’d like you to report to my lab for some advanced training.”

He carefully watched the child’s face, seeing how his eyes widened in clear surprise before an excited grin split his face. Internally, he winced at what he was about to say, hoping it wouldn’t drive Razputin away.

“These tests are unauthorised, though, so I can’t actually _ask_ you to come. But, if you happened to drop in… well, what could I do?”

Though he had turned his back, he didn’t miss the flash of wariness that passed across Razputin’s face, though it was tempered by the excitement that remained.

“If, perchance, you were to do so, you would need this. You would also need to know that my lab is located under the GPC. But again, I cannot ask you to come. This would purely be out of curiosity on your part.”

Biting his tongue, he levitated the button over to Razputin and himself down to ground level. He could only hope that Razputin was similar enough to himself that he’d come.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than both chapters 2 and 3 put together lmao

For about half an hour, he wasn’t sure Razputin would even come. It was a logical conclusion to come to - after all, Razputin had been at the camp less than twenty four hours, and Sasha was an unknown. He had hoped they were similar enough that Razputin’s curiosity would outweigh his fear, but it may not be so; the child thought with both heart and mind, as his helping Dogan in Basic Braining had shown.

Then the trapdoor above creaked, the sound followed by that of feet on the metal ladder beneath.

“Agent Nein? I’m here for the advanced training.”

Exhaling in mild relief, he rolled his shoulders and called back up.

“Follow the staircase down.”

Glancing down at the control panel, he started the boot up sequence, carefully watching the output gauges to ensure nothing blew… again. Behind him, he heard Razputin walk up, voice curious.

“I’ve been hearing a lot about head explosion, and I was wondering, is there any way I could learn to do that too?”

_ Of course he has met Mikhail too. _

Glancing over his shoulder, he studied Razputin a moment. There was eagerness in his expression - to most, eagerness would be all they saw. But, just like the night before, he could see the tension in Razputin’s eyes, the readiness in his stance and the way he stood slightly on the balls of his feet rather than his heels.

“Dogen’s head explosions are caused by an excess of power focused on a singular point. Mikhail’s abilities are much more controlled, but focus on blood vessels within the body. So, no, unfortunately not. Even if it were possible, I would not teach you such parlor tricks - down here, the focus is on science. If you are serious about exploring the possibilities of your mind, then step up to the Brain Tumbler, and we will begin.”

As if on cue, the machine lowered down, the boot up sequence finishing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Razputin take a few steps backward, eyes widening.

“The Brain Tumbler? What does it do?”

“It sends you deep into your psyche, allowing you great insight into yourself, as well as unlocking the potential for developing great power.”

Childish glee flashed across Razputin’s face as he pulled his goggles down over his eyes.

“Excellent! Tumble away!”

Talking Razputin through the Collective Unconscious was easy - the child soaked the information up like a sponge. Though his mental defenses were unparallelled, he projected his feelings like any other newbie. The sheer joy radiating from the boy was almost enough to ease the ache in his chest, though the pure trust he felt from the child - aimed at him, specifically - made it ache all the more.

He hoped he was wrong. He really, really did. No child deserved to go through what Sasha suspected he was going through, that was a given. But Razputin was a bright child in every sense of the word, and for the life of him, Sasha could not think of a reason why anyone could bring harm to one such as he.

A spike in the readings brought his attention back to the task at hand. He telepathically linked to Razputin, riding out the waves of interference from the Brain Tumblr.

_ “Razputin, can you hear me?” _

_ “Sasha…? Where am I?” _

_ “You are inside your own mind, though I’m not sure where. Tell me, what can you see?” _

There was a pause.

_ “I see… a rundown Romani caravan.” _

He frowned. Something about Razputin’s tone had alarm bells ringing in the back of his mind.

_ “Do you recognise it?” _

_ “Yes. It’s where I was born.” _

He let out a quiet breath, carefully contemplating his words before projecting them.

_ “I see. Compelling… can you enter the caravan?” _

_ “Yeah. Should I?” _

_ “If there is no other action you can take, yes. What do you see inside?” _

There was another pause. One of the dials flashed into the red zone for a moment. Sasha narrowed his eyes behind his glasses.

_ “I’m not sure… it’s getting fuzzy. … uh oh.” _

That made him stiffen.

_ “What is it?” _

_ “No! I-I’ll figure it out!” _

The mild fear in Razputin’s voice sent concern flickering across the back of his mind. The readouts from the machine were odd - the induced brainwaves were taking on an odd shape, inconsistent with any other use.

_ “Razputin, tell me what is happening.” _

The fear was still present when he answered, but had mostly been overtaken by sheepishness.

_ “Well… I’m kind of stuck in a little, white space.” _

… well that was new.

_ “How little?” _

_ “Uh… really little-- aha!” _

A rush of exhilaration from the boy before a blast of pain. Sasha winced, rubbing his temple for a moment.

_ “Razputin, are you okay?” _

_ “Ugh… yeah, I’m alright.” _

_ “What do you see now?” _

_ “Uh… I see a small, white, bunny-like animal thing.” _

Slightly thrown, he frowned.

_ “Hm… an unfamiliar animal in a dream often represents a primal fear or memory. Follow it, and it should lead you somewhere important.” _

He wasn’t able to hold back a small snort of laughter - following the white rabbit in a wonderful, mysterious place. The comparison was not lost on him. From the sounds of Razputin’s likely-unintentional projections, the rabbit was not making it easy on him either.

Another dial flashed into the red. The readouts were getting stranger and stranger the longer Razputin was in the experiment. Something was interfering-- or perhaps, was being accidently included in-- the simulation.

_ “Uh… Sasha?” _

The sudden trepidation immediately drew his attention.

_ “What is it? Another bunny?” _

_ “No. This is more of a… super-scary flaming-eyed demon, kind of deal.” _

_ “Oh. Hm.” _

_ “What??" _

The readings spiked, all dials shifting to the red. Eyes narrowing, he quickly began inputting the emergency exit commands, making sure to keep his mental voice calm.

_ “Okay, I’m pulling you out of there. Just give me a second.” _

_ “Uh, Sasha?” _

He scowled as the readings spiked again. The fear emanating from Razputin elevated also, making his fingers slip a moment.

_ “Hold on, I’m still getting some unusual interference. It’s almost like someone else--” _

_ “Agent Nein?!” _

The pure terror in Razputin’s voice sent ice down his spine.

_ “Almost there!” _

_ “SASHA!” _

Spinning around, he stepped forward to catch Razputin as he stumbled out of the Brain Tumbler with a yelp.

“Razputin, I am sorry, that should not have happened. I am uncertain as to the cause of the interference, I shall have to run more tests. Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Whatever it threw at me missed - do I really have to go back in there?”

He sighed, internally wincing at the shake in the child’s voice. Now that Razputin was steady on his feet, Sasha let go, standing up straight.

“You are, at present, the only person I can test this with. However, I will not force you into anything. If you choose to continue testing with me, I will train you to fight first, so you are not caught off guard like that again. If you choose not to continue, I will respect that decision, and I will not ask again. You are, of course, free to change your mind at any point.”

He could see the conflict on Razputin’s face and forced himself not to move, shoulders twitching with the effort. After a moment, Razputin looked up at him and nodded, determination on his face.

“Alright. I’ll do it - teach me how to really fight, and I’ll get back in that thing.”

Rolling his shoulders, he nodded.

“Normally you would not learn this until after learning how to levitate, but given the circumstances, I believe the rules can be bent slightly here. Have you met Agent Cruller?”

Razputin nodded. Turning slightly, Sasha pointed to the tree stump in the corner.

“He… convinced me to keep an entrance to his railroad down here, as much as I would prefer it to take a different form. Get him to give you a Marksmanship Learner’s Permit, then come back.”

Flashing him a grin and a thumbs up, Razputin nodded and jumped down the stump. Turning back to face the readings, Sasha frowned again.

_ Something about these isn’t right… it’s almost as if someone else’s brainwaves are being captured and pulled in... _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good news: update time  
> better news: this is only part one of this chapter lmao. i cut it here bc just getting to this point took seven and a half pages and we haven't even finished the brain tumbler experiment yet. i'm not gonna give a definitive time of when the second half is gonna go up bc i'm still in the middle of writing it and shit can always come up unexpectedly, especially with me, but i hope it won't take two months.
> 
> once again, shameless plug of my new ahit series, awh-verse, that i'm working on alongside this fic, these are both two works that i'm actually stupid proud of for once.

Sasha spent the time it took for Razputin to obtain the Marksmanship Learner’s Permit preparing his mind for the inevitable onslaught.

By this point he was fairly comfortable assuming Razputin was very similar to himself (he had not missed the similarities between their outfits, nor the awe that the child couldn’t quite hide whenever they spoke. He knew the child looked up to him and was determined to keep that trust as much as he could). As such, he was fairly certain that Razputin would not wait the two weeks he usually mandated for other Marksmanship learners. Nor, really, could he afford to - if Mi-- Agent Vodello was indeed successful in contacting Razputin’s parents via the Psychic Registry, the boy would have today and possibly tomorrow to learn as much as he could. Displaying as much of his mind as the facade would require made his shoulders twitch, but he breathed through his anxiety.

_If he is as skilled as I hope, this will pay off. Besides, seeing those memories may engender him to share some of his own._

The familiar rattle of Ford’s cart slowing to a stop beneath his lap drew Sasha out of his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, he straightened, rolling his shoulders and flicking his hair out of his face. Not a moment too soon, either, as Razputin flipped out of the stump, looking pleased.

“Agent Nein! I got the Marksmanship Learner’s Permit!”

He held a hand out for it, taking a moment to examine the slip of paper before handing it back.

“Very good. We can begin when you are ready.”

Razputin bounced on the balls of his feet, an excited grin lighting up his face.

“So, how do we do this? Are you going to pull me into your mind, like the Coach did?”

He couldn’t help but let a small smirk slip, thinking of the battlefield that was Morceau’s mind.

“No offence, but it’s time you saw what an organised mind looks like.”

Pulling his Psi-door out of his pocket, he telekinetically placed it on his forehead, relaxing and mentally opening the door. He blinked, closing his eyes in the physical world and opening them in his mindscape. A glance down and to the side told him Razputin had arrived as well.

“Welcome to my mind.”

He could see Razputin looking around and braced himself for the usual remark.

“It’s so… organised.”

A blink, the only concession to his shock, before he re-railed his train of thought.

“Indeed - there is more here than meets the eye, but I have learned to keep it under strict control; that is what I shall be teaching you. Control. Your feelings, your fears, your anger; you must learn to control them, to focus them, concentrate them, and release them.”

The wariness was back, but it was almost overshadowed by an excited confusion.

“As therapy?”

He smirked.

“No, as firepower.”

He stepped forward, walking over to a particular patch of cube.

“Say something hideous and horrible jumps out at you, something so disgusting that it simply must _die_.”

Stepping down hard, he conjured the mental image of one of those damned lamps, diverting any emotional response before it could form. It would not do for him to play his hand too early. Instead, he feigned horror, making clear the fakeness of the reaction.

“Ugh, it’s so tacky I cannot look directly at it. But!”

He looked back down at Razputin, chest tightening at the way the boy was visibly hanging on to his every word.

“I control those feelings, focus them, concentrate, and…”

As he spoke, he formed the psi-beam, raising a hand to his temple.

“Release!”

The blast flashed across the mental plane, striking the lamp and shattering it. He could not help the quip that slipped from him, a holdover from his time as an active agent with Mi-- Agent Vodello.

“And the world is a better place.”

Looking back down at Razputin, he fought back a smile seeing the awe on the child’s face as he pulled his goggles into place.

“Your turn.”

As he watched Razputin test out the ability, he nodded to himself. The boy was picking it up far faster than even J.T. had - he was a natural at using his psychic abilities. He could not help but feel slightly guilty for what he was planning to do - though the greatest risk would be to himself, it would still be an underhanded manipulation. He could only hope that Razputin would understand; after all, it was always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. He quickly compartmentalised the thoughts, as within moments, all of the lamps he had conjured to act as targets had been destroyed, with Razputin turning to look excitedly and expectantly back at him.

“Excellent - a victory for good taste. Now then…”

Summoning a censor valve, he deliberately left the controls out in the open as a censor was spat out onto a small platform.

“Is this what you saw in your vision?”

Razputin fiddled, projecting a wave of embarrassment.

“Um. Well. It sure seemed a lot bigger in my head.”

He nodded, suspecting as much.

“Problems often seem larger in our heads than they really are, that’s an important lesson to learn.”

_Of course, problems can also be much larger than we even realise too._

“This is a censor, an integral part of any sane person’s mind. The censors roam through your psyche, looking for thoughts that don’t belong - hallucinations, manias, waking dreams - censors hunt them down and censor them out.”

_Now, will he--?_

“But why’d they come after me? I’m not a mania!”

_There it is._

“If you were in my mind at the time, it would have been because you are a foreign entity. However, you were in your own mind at the time. It could have been a malfunction of the Brain Tumbler, or perhaps a symptom of mental instability - without testing, I cannot be sure.”

_Though there was that strange interference… I wonder if it had anything to do with that?_

“Either way, it does not matter at this moment. For now, just blast the censor.”

Surprisingly, Razputin froze momentarily, looking at the censor before slowly raising a hand to his temple and firing off the psi-beam. The censor quickly exploded into mental energy.

“That’s the spirit.”

But Razputin looked perturbed.

“I killed it.”

Suddenly, he realised the problem.

“It was never alive - it was simply a thought I was having. Besides, it is not ‘dead’, either. It has returned to its basic form - raw psychic energy. You should absorb it, it’s good for your mental health.”

As expected, Razputin stuck out a hand, the blue ball of energy drifting into his fingertips. The boy straightened slightly, looking down at his hand in obvious wonder. 

“Whoa…”

“As you absorb psychic energy, your mental health increases. But, as you psi-blast, you expend your will to cause damage. So, be on the lookout for these small, dense clusters of raw psychic aggression. Absorb these as well to make sure you always have enough firepower.”

He deliberately moved over to the control panel, watching Razputin from the corner of his eye.

“Now, I’ll leave the machine on for you to practise. You must blast one thousand censors to earn your Marksmanship Merit Badge. Come back every day for practise and you should have enough in as little as… three weeks.”

Razputin’s face fell.

“ _Three weeks_? I only have a few days to earn all my merit badges and become a Psychonaut!”

He could feel the genuine panic Razputin was projecting and internally grimaced, guilt weighing heavily on him for what he was about to do. He made certain to keep any internal conflict out of his voice, however.

“Slow and steady wins the race, my eager young friend. Now practise - slowly and carefully.”

Quickly, he opened a door to the collective unconscious and stepped through, making sure to keep an observation window open. To Razputin’s credit, he kept with the single censor stream for almost ten minutes, improving his technique with every shot. It had almost reached the point where he feared he’d misread the boy when Razputin finally edged closer to the controls, turning away from the censors. It took the boy a moment, but eventually he raised a hand to his temple and held the other out, telekinetically moving the controls.

_2, 3, 4, 5, 6… just a little further, now._

Already he could feel the drain on his psyche, his mental walls becoming harder to maintain. But he kept them up, waiting until--

The click of the controls being moved into the final position resonated through him. A headache began to pound behind his eyes, but he breathed through it, having braced himself for the pain. Quickly, he let down the first wall, watching the environment build itself with strained calm. Razputin looked alarmed, almost afraid, as censors spilled out over the place. He took that as his cue, reopening the door and dropping in.

“Do you see now why I said slowly and carefully?”

Razputin nodded quickly, shrinking back from him. He winced, softening his tone and kneeling to be at Razputin’s height, aware his tall stature made him very imposing sometimes.

“This is fixable, I promise you. I need you to keep their numbers under control, can you do that?”

Razputin nodded again, looking less panicked now that he had something to do.

“I must go into my subconscious to fix this, but I am not abandoning you - if at any point you need my help, just call for me and I will come.”

“R-right!”

“Do you see the long pipes? Those are the valves the censors are leaking from - if you psi-blast them, you should be able to shut them off. Understand?”

It took a moment for Razputin to spot what he’d pointed out, but the boy quickly sent him a nod.

“Shoot the valves, keep the censors under control - got it!”

“Alright, get going.”

Standing again, he jumped through another door, travelling into his subconscious. He hadn’t lied about that - he did need to go into his subconscious to fix his mental walls - but he wouldn’t be entirely working on doing that until Razputin had shown promise enough with the psi-blast that he could give the boy his merit badge. It also allowed him the opportunity to reduce the amount of pain this headache was causing.

He’d seen Razputin’s skill in Morceau’s mind, but somehow the boy managed to go beyond that here - he dispatched censors with ease, traversing the various environments with a grace that surpassed even Mi-- Agent Vodello’s. In the space of perhaps a half hour, all of the valves had been dealt with. But, more importantly, both memory vaults that he’d left around had been found and opened. They were not memories he particularly liked others seeing, but he hoped Razputin would be more willing to open up to him having seen them.

Quickly reassembling his mental walls, he hopped back into the mindscape proper, taking care of the last few censors before turning to Razputin.

“Well, if nothing else, this was a teachable moment. Tell me, what have you learned?”

Razputin paused, thinking.

“Uh, that shooting things is fun and useful? Oh, also, don’t mess with stuff in other people’s minds!”

He smiled internally.

“Definitely the latter, not so much the former. Once you lose control of your own mind, it is hard to get it back.”

Razputin nodded, cupping a fist with his other hand.

“Yes! One’s thoughts should be one hundred percent controlled at all times!”

He grimaced slightly, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

“Well, no. Actually, if you try to completely suppress your undesirable feelings, they’ll build and build and eventually explode.”

Immediately, he saw Razputin freeze.

“Oh. So, uh. What would happen if you were to, say… completely block off all your censor outlets?”

He paused a moment, thinking.

“Well, there would be a build-up of censor energy within that would, uh…”

He trailed off as the floor began to shake, turning to the censor valve behind him beginning to emit smoke. Quickly, he held a hand out in front of Razputin.

“Run, Razputin. Very fast.”

He hurriedly stepped in front of the boy as the valve exploded, two meaty hands reaching out of the sudden hole to haul an enormous, mutated censor out onto the surface of the cube.

_This was not in the plan. Oh well, time to improvise._

He leapt to his feet, building a psi-beam behind his eyes.

“You are my own creation! I command you to stop!”

But stop it did not. He saw the stamp rising up and was suddenly very aware of the child stood just behind him. Abruptly, he turned, shoving Razputin out of the way of the attack. There was no time for he himself to dodge, however, and the stamp hit like a truck. The headache behind his eyes burned back to life with a vengeance, verging on becoming a migraine. He could feel the censor trying to censor him, but as this was his mind, all it succeeded in doing was making a feedback loop of pain. Doing his level best to keep the pain out of his voice, he took a deep breath.

“Razputin! It’s time to earn your merit badge!”

The next few minutes passed in a blur as he fought to keep his walls intact as the pain ate away at his concentration. Eventually, the mutated censor fell, brought down by the many psi-blasts Razputin used to chip away at it, and he was able to peel himself off the stamp. Noticing Razputin running up out of the corner of his eye, he shoved away the pain and stood, brushing himself off as casually as he could.

“Sasha! Are you alright?! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen!”

The sheer distress in the child’s voice made him kneel again to meet Razputin’s eyes properly.

“I am quite alright, Razputin. I am aware this was an accident on your part and take full responsibility - I should have made it clear to you what shutting off all the valves would achieve. Are _you_ alright?”

There was a pause as Razputin took stock of himself.

“Um… the mega-censor got me with those blasts a couple times and I have a headache.”

“The headache comes with extended use of the psi-blast - another reason I usually have cadets train over a long period of time, less chance of it becoming a full-blown migraine. It will go with time, as will the psychic damage caused by the mutated censor. I propose we take a short break before going back into your mind.”

Razputin looked at him with a smile, projecting gratitude.

“Yes please.”

He blinked again, closing his eyes in the mindscape and reopening them in the physical world. The psi-door dropped back into his hand and he slid it into his pocket, glancing over at Razputin. The boy was shaking his head, removing his goggles from his eyes.

“Alright, we’ll reconvene in half an hour. It would be a good idea for you to get something to eat in this time.”

“Will do!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every-fuckin-thing happens so goddamn much my dudes.

Exactly a half hour later, they were both stood back in the lab, the crumbs on the front of Razputin’s turtleneck giving away his choice of lunch food (not that Sasha could blame him - Ford’s burgers really were good). He himself had taken the opportunity to make more coffee, taking some painkillers to stave off the budding migraine. Razputin was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited in front of the Brain Tumbler.

“Now that I know how to shoot things, I think I can take that diving helmet-spitting personal demon!”

“Good - that is what we were aiming for. I am activating the Brain Tumbler now, you will be returned to the Collective Unconscious. When you reenter your mind, you should find yourself roughly where you were before, though you may have to retrace your steps a little.”

Frowning at the instrumentation, he continued.

“I am still seeing some interference - keep an eye out for anything you would deem unusual. It may provide us some clues as to what is causing it.”

“Will do!”

The Brain Tumbler powered on with a hum, the familiar rotating lights and uptick in activity signifying the start of the experiment. He reconnected their minds again, expertly splitting his focus between Razputin’s not quite suppressed inner monologue and the readings the machine was putting out.

_“Aw man, I’m back in the big egg shell! At least the bunny… thing, is still here. Come here little guy!”_

A few moments passed before wariness began to filter through the connection.

_“Sasha, I’m getting close to where that monster was.”_

_“Alright. Remember what I taught you, Razputin - control your feelings, focus them, concentrate, and release.”_

_“Right! … gotta say, you’re a much better teacher than my dad.”_

He took a careful breath, sensing the unsteady ground he was suddenly traversing.

_“Oh? How so?”_

_“You haven’t tried to kill me yet.”_

For a moment, he couldn’t remember how to breathe. Then Razputin spoke up again.

_“I can see it right in front of me - I’m going to engage.”_

_“Alright - let me know if you need me to pull you out.”_

He let the radio silence hold as he focused on maintaining his shields and his breathing, hands gripping the desk tightly. He’d known from the moment he saw Razputin that something else had to be going on - there had to be a reason for the way the boy was acting. It wasn’t just projection.

But he hadn’t expected this.

Closing his eyes, he took off his sunglasses and massaged the bridge of his nose, forcing himself to remain calm. Panicking now would do nothing but possibly distract Razputin from the task at hand. The abyss of the issue was much darker now, yes, but that didn’t make it impossible to solve, no matter how out of his depth he now felt. He’d always been good at compartmentalising - he just needed to focus.

_“Sasha! You were right! The monster was so much easier to deal with once I took a second to concentrate!”_

Taking a careful breath, he relaxed his mental voice before replying.

_“Very good, Razputin.”_

_“The bunny thing is still going, I’m gonna keep following it and see where it leads me.”_

_“Understood.”_

Replacing his glasses, he pulled a sheet of paper closer to himself and levitated a pen into his hand, scribbling down notes in his nigh-indecipherable shorthand. It wouldn’t do for anyone to stumble upon these, especially not Mi-- Agent Vodello.

_Explicit admission that his father has tried to kill him. Constant wariness, ready to react at a split-second’s notice. The highest mental defenses ever seen. All clear signs of abuse._

_Of course, it must be noted that Razputin is an unreliable narrator in this. While I am certain his home life is not good for him, it is entirely possible that he may be unintentionally exaggerating events. If I of all people am going to be making a case here, I must have testimony from him. I must approach this carefully, however. He trusts me, but it is still fragile; I do not wish to hurt him further._

He was pulled from his thoughts by a sudden rush of protective anger from the other side of the mental connection. Quickly straightening and replacing his sunglasses, he focused back in on the connection, noting the fluctuating readings and even higher spikes of interference.

_“Razputin, what is going on?”_

_“Dogen’s in trouble! No time to talk, I gotta climb this spooky thorn tower!”_

He felt a tug of memory from the boy and let it pull his mind in, splitting his awareness with the ease of many years of practise as the memory unfolded in front of his eyes.

**It was Razputin, participating in one of his family’s performances. His position at the top of the formation allowed him a clear view of the entire audience - including the man in a trenchcoat and hat that seemed to be staring back at him. Sure enough, after the performance, the man handed him a pamphlet with a wink and a nod. He was suspicious, but the logo on the front immediately assuaged those fears.**

**The Psychonauts had a summer camp - not only that, but it was relatively close! He could finally learn to use his abilities, maybe even get away from his father for good!**

**Of course, that was when his father saw what he was reading, snatching it out of his hands and tearing it to shreds. The man was shouting something, but he couldn’t hear past the fear racing his heart as he cowered in the man’s shadow. The man stomped away, leaving him shaking in place. But, as terrified as he was, he’d already made his decision.**

**He had to go. Tonight.**

**It was child’s play to sneak away, packing his meagre belongings into a small backpack before absconding with their pony (not really the world’s tiniest, but certainly up there as a contender). When he hit the highway, he sent the pony back to the circus - he knew it would return, it always did. The rest of the day was a mixture of walking and hitchhiking until finally, he was stood in front of the gates.**

**Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp. His ticket to freedom.**

**Now he just had to find a way in.**

Letting out a measured breath, he tucked the copied memory away in his mind, keeping his own emotions from mixing with it as much as was possible. It would definitely serve as some testimony. A spike of frustration from Razputin drew his attention.

_“I can’t get up any further! This stupid steak’s blocking the path!”_

_“How tall is this steak?”_

_“Too tall for me to jump over, too squishy for me to climb.”_

_“And you cannot yet levitate, can you?”_

_“No.”_

Pausing for a moment, he quickly realised the solution to their conundrum and sighed.

_“Come back out of the Brain Tumbler, this is better discussed in person.”_

Thankfully, Razputin’s exit was far smoother this time, and in short order, he was stood, facing the agent, eyes serious but clearly worried.

“You said you had a solution?”

“Yes. Agent Vodello is one of the world’s foremost experts at levitation, she could certainly teach you.”

Razputin nodded, but his eyes were narrowed.

“I’m sensing there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

He suppressed a smile, mildly impressed.

“Your intuitions are correct - I am unsure if she _would_ teach you. She is of the mind that you should be returned to your home as soon as is possible, as you did not come to this camp through the usual channels.”

The fear that rippled out from Razputin only lasted a second before he clamped down on his emotions, but it was enough to clench a fist around his heart, squeezing the breath from his lungs. He quickly inhaled and continued before Razputin could say anything.

“I do not agree with her, but she has proven that she will not listen to me on this. She may, however, listen to you - if not about allowing you to stay, then at least about training you in the art of levitation. Has Agent Cruller taught you telekinesis yet?”

Razputin shook his head, looking mildly perturbed.

“Not yet - he was going to, but then he wandered off and I couldn’t find him again.”

Suppressing a sigh, he nodded.

“Agent Cruller does tend to do that. If you use his cart to get to the lake, you can probably catch him in his base. Though, before you go, you’ll need this to reach her at the Docks.”

Turning slightly, he swiped the Oarsman badge from his desk with telekinesis, dropping it into the hand Razputin quickly held out. There was a flash of… _something_ across the boy’s face, but it passed too quickly for him to decipher. He set it aside to worry about later.

“Meanwhile, I’ll remain here and try to pin down the source of the interference. Return once you’ve earned your levitation merit badge, and we can continue.”

Razputin departed quickly after that, the familiar rattle of cartwheels on a track fading down the tunnel. Letting out a measured breath, he pulled a chair closer with telekinesis and sat down, taking a moment to bury his head in his hands. Razputin’s safety was on the line - this he was certain of now. But he could not help but feel as if he were floundering in dark waters, unable to see the way to shore. Mi-- Agent Vodello had already shown that she wouldn’t listen, Morceau was almost definitely plotting something again judging by the way he’d practically thrown everyone out of his mind at the end of Basic Braining, but who else--?

He could have slapped himself.

_His mind might be fractured, but he’s still my mentor. And he still holds some sway in HQ, even if it’s limited compared to before._

It was the work of less than a second to summon the cart to his location.

_Please be in your right mind, Ford - I could really use your help with this._


End file.
